Leagues of the Nation-I

Leagues of the Nation-I
Circa 2008, 16th April.

IPL- I ( Indian Political League)

The IPL-I which began on the 16th of April will be played between two major teams and two major fronts. The entire league will be played in five phases and the champions will be declared on the 16th of May. This is the biggest league played in the entire history with crores of people involved in the process.

Rules of the Game:
There is no definite rule for this league. Teams may win by hook or by crook or by any means they deem suitable. They may choose a captain before hand or may also select him later. They may poach players from any other team or at times they may also poach entire smaller teams. Normal play procedures include debates, arguments, mudslinging, rigging, booth- capturing, lobbying, maligning, bribing and/or any other means, fair or foul. The entire league is conducted by the ECI (Empathetic Council of Incorrigibles).

The Major Teams:
UPA (Un Predictable Association):

This team is lead by Dr Manmohan Singh who is always flanked by Shri Rahul Gandhi. Smt Sonia Gandhi is the non playing captain cum coach of the team. The vice captain is the toothless Royal Bengal Tiger (meow) Shri Pranab Mukherjee. The home front of this team is looked after by Shri P Chidambaram who is recently reported to be seriously afflicted by the sneaker flu virus. All other players in this team are shadowed by the big three though sometimes they are visible at the extreme corners of some cuts outs or banners. The entire team raises the palm of their right hand to gather views from palmists and astrologers regarding their survival in the league, and this has become their trade mark way of gathering support.

NDA (Nothing Doing Association):

This is basically an association of the lotus eaters and therefore they are symbolized by the lotus. This team is led by an intensely rigid (majboot) captain, Shri L. K. Advani. However, it is rumoured that his majbooti is because of some strings that are attached to him permanently and get frequently pulled from the right side. One Atal Bihari Vajpayee is the god father of the team on whose knees the entire team relies for strength. The back end of this team is protected by one Narendra Modi who is famous for his killer instinct.

3rd Front:

This team is a syndicate of various players who have gathered with the sole purpose of grabbing the championship chair. This team has no definite captain but it is rumoured that one Mayawati may be leading it. Among other talents she specializes in the art of arm twisting. Among her followers vote are not cast but castes are voted. The other major players in the team include a hardened Mulayam and an extremely voluptuous Amar Singh who has a habit of putting words into his own mouth. This team is extremely strong in the left flank with the leftovers from the CPI (Corrupt Politicians Inc) led by one Prakash Karat who is more famous for his lefter half Brinda Karat.

4th Front:

Those left out from the leftovers of the 3rd front have formed this team. This team is led by one derailed Lalu Prasad Yadav, famous for his entertainment value in the comedy industry. This teams USP is the stand up comedies, shayari and naach-nautaki, accompanied by hysterics of the most famous cheer leader of this team, Ms Rabri Devi. This team plays hard in some specialized group formations such as Muslim-Yadav, Yadav-Kurmi. Coaches and experts around the world from rival teams have not been able to decipher the method or the more importantly the reason behind such formations. Though this team has some other substantial players, their names are obscurely difficult to locate in the oblivion of loss.

Independents:

The independents are one man armies who dare to take on the might of the teams. They are most supported by their immediate friends and relatives. Independents are a high risk venture team with very high stakes as they are always poached by the champion teams. This team is famous for its equine abilities at horse trading sessions. They do not have a fixed symbol or ideology or morality or a backbone. They are known to be flaccidly flexible and placidly succumb-able with inducements of lust, fame or wealth.

Supporters:
The supporters of IPL–I run into billions. Anyone who is deemed to be above 18 and registered by the ECI is allowed to be a supporter. ECI promises a nail biting finish to all the supporters and just to remind that the nails of the forefinger of every supporter is painted black. According to the rules, every supporter is allowed to press a key board once in a machine called the EVM (Enticement to Violation Machine) and listen to his own beep.

Winners take all:
The final results of IPL-I will be declared on the 16th of May’2009. The champions will perform identification parades for the media and the president and then will take the oath of offence. They will try to stick to the chairs of victory for the next five years or till a new edition of the IPL comes up. Team members are so hard stuck to the chairs that it is almost impossible to dislodge them without breaking the house. However after getting stuck to the chairs, the players are normally get afflicted with HIV (Hyper Inactivity Virus) and become incapable of any work. They are only seen at media events or at exotic locations, normally restricting their activities to cutting all attached strings with a pair of scissors. The losing semi-finalists get the opposition benches. They are generally diagnosed with the verbal voracity syndrome and remain so thirsty that they develop an affinity for the well of the house.